Semester 1

Chapter IV: Zen Master (September 23 - September 28, 2016)

Everything around here takes time. Massive amounts of time. Administration, getting any kind of information, transportation. They have complicated sets of rules for pretty much any procedure but the machine just does not work. Throughout the past week I almost lost it couple of times.

I takes around 50 minutes to get from the campus to the visa center. It takes one additional hour to get from the visa center to the police station downtown, where you have to report your residence address. Technically, you should go to the police station to report where you stay, then to the visa center to submit tons of papers from the university and then just sit back and wait for the permit. In my case, everything went wrong. Passport issues, officers issues, missing stamps from the university… I had to do about three rounds between all those places during the past two days and I discovered couple of new safe places in my head in the process.

Life’s good though. Last Friday I went out with some people from the campus. First, we went to a club named Fusion. It’s fucking weird how that shit works. There’s this guy spamming all student groups with free parties all week long and he really does mean it. Entrance and booze – you don’t literally have to spend shit. Here’s how it goes. You get to the club, you say a password you were given and you get in. While all locals sit at tables drinking champagne, shots and eating cakes, westerners (mostly students) have no place to sit so they just stay in line for a bar assembled for them right on the dance floor. The segregation is very real. Chinese don’t really party so they watch foreigners from a safe distance and the two groups don’t really mix. Each table has its own waiter making sure that you don’t invade their space. It’s incredibly fake and uncomfortable. The only reason for this travesty is probably the fact privileged generic Chinese youngsters enjoy places with wannabe international vibe. Music sucked, people sucked, everything sucked. Me and my guy from Macedonia used the opportunity to consume as much vodka as possible and after that we left for a place that actually seemed interesting.

Dada club. It’s one of the underground joints that doesn’t give a fuck about the number of foreigners and cares about music. There were several Djs playing at the club (mostly trap/noise/baseline) and during their sets some guys jumped in switching things up with pretty raw raps. The name of the crew was Genome 666 mbp and they were fucking crazy. We stayed there till they closed it up (around 5 am) and then caught the first subway back to the campus. 

During the weekend I moved my shit to the new place at Yanping Road. The feeling of finally living in the city in my own room is priceless. Mixture of skyscrapers, parks, bars, clubs and restaurants reminds you of why the fuck you left your hometown in the first place. My flat mates are quite alright. There’s this Chinese girl and a Chinese guy, a girl from Cuba and a girl from Italy. I don’t really talk to the Chinese much but the girls seem cool. Given the fact that today I managed to submit all the fucking paperwork, there’s a good chance I might actually have some extra time on my hands throughout the upcoming days. There’s so much more to see.

Highlights: 

• Riding 28 kilometers on a bike from the campus to the city center. Wasn't allowed to take it on the bus (for no apparent reason), could not take it on subway neither. Awesome exercise for both legs and lungs.
• Cooking my first fucking meal since I arrived. God damn!
• Losing my passports, realizing it on the subway while moving my stuff downtown, suffering couple of heart attacks and eventually finding them in one of the administration buildings back on the campus. Some serious retard shit.

Semester 1

Chapter III: Detox and Escapes (September 16 – September 22, 2016)

Campus life is super relaxing. There’s really not much to do in the Minhang district and given the fact it takes you around an hour and a half to get to the city center, you don’t really get out that often. It kinda feels like a detox. I eat regularly, I work out more than I used to back home, I run almost every day, I listen to shitload of music and I watch all TV series I haven’t managed to check out yet (Mr. Robot fucking rocks).

Getting out from campus for a party pretty much means signing up for an all nighter. Since they don’t let you back in dorms till 5:30, you might as well drink till the metro starts and get back then. I went to the city with this mindset last Friday which marks my very first experience with Shanghai night life. By a series of fortunate coincidences, I ended up partying in a place called Le Baron which is apparently one of many poshy places downtown. It was an invite-only Fashion Week after-party and luckily for me, I was given a VIP bracelet which entitled me to consume unlimited amount of A1 champagne, 18 year-old Chivas Regal and some other fine ass booze. The club is located on the 7^th floor and you can feel the money everywhere. In the furniture, in the suited up bartenders and also in the maids - running around, regularly cleaning up your mess. Surrounded by fashion designers from all around the world, I’m quite positive I was the poorest motherfucker in the room. Gotta give it up to the DJ though – his hiphop/trap selection was up to date an on point. Had a great time till about 5 am, got completely shitfaced and woke up in a 5 star hotel somewhere in Pudong area. Pretty cool kick start of the local night life.

Other than that I dedicated myself to the apartment hunt. I went to check some flats with two girls I met here last week and based on that experience it’s safe to say that around 90% of local real estate agents don’t give two shits about presentation. Back home, when you go see flats, they are usually all cleaned up, shiny and generally appealing. Here, most places are smelly, windows are dirty and you can even find cigarette butts on the floor or in the sink. All of it makes you pretty uncomfortable and desperate. We eventually decided to look for rooms separately as there’s better chance of getting an acceptable room in a place that’s already set up (and inhabited by international people) than getting a whole new thing. After long searches, dozens of messages and hours spent on laptop, I eventually managed to find a super small (like really super super small) clean room yesterday. So starting the next week, I’m outta dorms. Thank god!

Highlights:

• Two rides from the campus to the city and back in one day. Felt like I was about die on the subway.
• DJ set at Le Baron. Whoever the guy was, shout out to him!
• THE NEW PLACE IN THE CITY! Let’s get it!

Semester 1

Chapter II: Fuck You (September 10 – September 15, 2016)

They don’t really give a fuck about you. I guess it’s the ridiculous number of people in the country… There’s no time for acting nicely, there’s no time for explaining, there’s no way to organize shit in an efficient way one would expect from one of the top ranked universities in China. Nobody really knows shit and 90% of events I've been to were 100% Chinese. Having experience from working for an international office of the second largest university in the Czech Republic, the local approach is just beyond me.

no idea what's going on

very rough idea on what's going on

You don’t receive sufficient info, it’s virtually impossible to find responsible persons for your administrative and academic matters and if you finally think you got one, it turns out shortly that he/she actually knows jackshit, and the info you’ve received is completely wrong. The number of WTF moments I’ve experienced since my arrival has been just too damn high. At least you you don't get bored - at the end of the day it's kinda fun. I enjoy chaos.

 

On another note, my dorm roomie is a completely neutral Japanese guy. He wrote down my name as the very first thing and addresses me properly ever since. I didn’t write down anything and still don’t have a clue what his name is. You know how you got two types of Japanese men? Either it’s this super swaggy anime kinda guy or super nerdy engineering dude. Mine is the latter. His English sucks but he cleans and he probably thinks I’m in a gang, cause he treats me very nicely, does not disturb me and lets the lights on when he goes to sleep – he’s a G.

Dorms suck though. Haven’t ever lived like this, never will again. The type of people you meet in halls is just bizarre. They seem like a specific species who hardly leave the place and the whole building smells like weird depression. Plus you cannot really hang out with your friends at your place, you cannot really bring girls over, they lock up the door from midnight till 5:30 and there’s no proper kitchen in the building. It just sucks. On top of that, the campus is super far from the city center and so far I haven’t really tasted the real Shanghai. Gonna move out asap.

 

The campus itself is huge. Lots of people use bikes or scooters to move around and everything around here is cheap. You can get a decent (after some struggle even vegan) meal for around 1 EUR. Stores are pretty cheap too, fruits look shitty as hell, but hey – this is China. Pollution in the air, chemicals in the food, let’s get it! Gym is like 30 cents, there’s an athletic oval right in front of the dorms plus and I got myself a road bike too - I’m covered. I also managed to get hammered on the first international student party in a bar nearby which led to a foundation of what appears to be my first circle of fellow fuck ups. Eventually there was just four of us left drinking at the table.

What’s next? Let’s find a room in the city center and kick off the big city life!

Highlights:

• Chinese receptionist hysterically screaming at me and my friend for about 10 minutes, cause we arrived around 2 a. m. from a bar. Not understanding a word she said, we gave her our student cards and she wrote something down. I guess that was the tipping point – no more dorms.
• Getting a pack of real coffee! Took me forever. French press in da house y’all!
• Travis Scott’s and M.I.A.’s new albums, Die Antwoord’s new single. It has nothing to do with China but still….

Semester 1

Chapter I: Guidelines (September 01 – September 09, 2016)

Due to the fact I managed to collect pretty decent amount of miles throughout travels related to my previous job position, I had a chance to fly to Asia business class. Business class is awesome. Everybody does their best to lick your asshole as much as possible. You cut all the lines, you get wasted in a V.I.P. lounge, you cut some more lines and you end up fucked up sitting in a big ass chair with a champagne in your hand with about 4 people constantly asking you whether your asshole has been licked properly – if there’s a spot that hasn’t, they make sure to fix it promptly.

Before moving to Shanghai to sort of reboot my life, I decided to pay a visit to Seoul... South Korea is plastic. You can say that about many Asian countries, however, along with Japan, Korea is being considered a developed one which makes the whole consumerist, guideline oriented energy even more painful. They have guidelines for education (it’s not what you can actually apply but about how well you can score), for relationships (matching clothes, huge stuffed animals, spending shitloads of cash on each other, listening to one of billions super romantic street singers), for jobs (don’t do what you do – matter of fact, don’t even think about what you’d like to do – just follow the expectations) and I guess for pretty much anything else too. Don't get me wrong, in Europe we generally do the same thing - not to this extent though.

Other than that, you get what you expect. Flashing neon lights, cheap soju (rice wine), decent parties and so many places where you can spend excessive amounts of money on complete bullshit. And a full meal is pretty much as expensive as a sweatshirt (clothes really do cost peanuts). Shout out to my new Couchsurfing guys to make this whole China prequel awesome – I see you! 

 

From Seoul it was straight back to economy class. No more ballin' this time around.

Highlights:

• Korean bouncer telling me “You look 17, motherfucker” in order to prevent me from entering one lousy club.
• Bukhansan National Park – hardcore hiking in flip flops. The view was worth the suicidal mission though.
  
  
   
  
  
• Being one of 7 guys (excluding driver) squeezed in one fucking cab on the way from a party. About 30 minutes drive during which the driver drifted couple of times. Fucking insane.
   

Selfie of the chapter:

partying on Seoul subway